Here things are in full swing! The last week has brought some much needed energy along for me! I feel so "normal", it's almost scary, but it's also really nice.
After having an insane amount of things going on in the last few years, and with no signs of it slowing down in sight, I am sure happy that I feel an extra surge of strength!!
I do get occational reminders of how vulnerable I still am thou.
Last Thursday I ventured out to town. First time in a LOOONG time that I did this by myself! Felt really good. I had a maternity top that I wanted to return (tags were still on), but of course I did not have a receipt. Well, I figured, they might let me exchange it for something at least.
Well. They didn't.
"Sorry, if you don't have a receipt, we can't take it back!"
"But, I lost the baby, and I never had time to use it, and the tags are still on!!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that (she did look truly empathetic), but that's our policy!"
I felt like their policy had just given me a kick in the stomach.
I took it so hard, I was surprised.
Maybe because I told her about losing the baby.
It's a private thing after all.
I felt tears welling up, as I turned to leave the store, with my unused maternity top still in the bag in my hand...
"Bye!", she said behind me.
"Oh, yeah, bye" I said as I glanced over my shoulder.
I felt that this store had something against me.
It wasn't my fault that I had lost the baby!!
I called my Hubby, and told him how I felt.
He of course asked me not to worry about it.
No big deal if I couldn't return it.
I knew he was right, but I guess the feelings the situation had brought up, made me realize that I'm still quite sensitive.
He made sure I felt better before we hung up, and then I actually found a pair of jeans that fit me!
(I hate trying on anything in public changing rooms, and jeans are among the worst...)
This pregnancy made me gain more weight than I normally do, and now when there's no baby to nurse to help shed the pounds, the new "chub" is stubbornly stuck on me. Argh.
Perfect timing for Christmas to show up too! Yohoo!! (I admit to liking all the Christmas goodies WAY too much)
Well, I met up with a friend after shopping, and we went out for a late dinner.
It was really nice to just hang out and chat and eat (yummy pizza on ryebread!, and I wonder why I'm not losing weight??)
Well. Now it's all full tilt with the Christmas gears rolling!
I can't shop or decorate or bake before the house is organized and cleaned, so I have a LOT of organizing and cleaning to do, which is fine, since I truly enjoy an organized house. (there's still a ton of stuff to go through since we moved)
With 9 people thou, I will never ever catch up to what I would like to keep as my standard.
So... yeah, we did some decorating already! (or we might not put anything out before Easter, and that would look quite wierd...)
The kids also made a batch of gingerbread cookies, so that's a start I guess.
In the end it doesn't really matter if everything is not as perfect as I'd like it to be, (trying to remember to pace myself!!), what I want is a home that feels "good". That is cozy and warm and a good place to end a busy day. No matter what time of the year of course, but Christmas is extra special. It's that special feeling... This is the 1st year in this house, and things are not all done yet, but it's still "us" here. And that's what matters. And a clean floor of course! :)
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