Blogger Boss needs to decide what this is going to say about how crazy her life is & how she loves coffee & walks with her hubby.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Stupid feelings....

Ugh.  Feelings can be so frustrating.  I sometimes wish I could switch to robot mode.  Just "function" and chug along and not question anything.
But that wouldn't be living, would it?

First off, I like living where we live.  Minus 5 months of snow.  5 months is a big part of the year btw, so it does get kind of long.  I didn't grow up with long winters, and although I truly enjoy all the seasons of the year, and would not exactly want to live where there's summer all year long, these winters get to me.  I am not dying to hit the slopes or skating rink.  I prefer taking walks without slipping on ice and freezing my nose off.
But, I can live with it.  It's OK, life goes on.
I love how close everything is here.  Within 10-15 minutes I can get to most places.
People are very friendly, in the stores, at the schools and at the various Dr's offices I've been to.
Life is at a slower pace in general.
I like all those things.
There's enough shopping, and if I need to cross over to the US, it's a quick drive and hardly ever any long lines at customs.  I can easily tank up the car, do some shopping and run errands and be back in Canada in just over an hour.
We have lots of great friends and the kids like their school etc.
We hope to buy or build a house and are looking in to different options.  My husband likes his job and the people he works with and for.

Yup.  That's all really good and dandy!

So why do I get homesick for Windsor?
I find myself daydreaming of living there again.  It's hard.
It would not "make sense" for us to move back there, although we would be totally fine living there too, but we'd give up a lot of conveniences if we did.

Well, this is just a vent.  I need to get it off my chest.  I guess it's good to be open minded in life, knowing that we are able to live in many areas and be happy.  And over all I AM happy here. I am.  I'm just homesick for home....
Fortunately we are heading down there soon, so hopefully that'll give me my "fix" and I'll be good to go for a while!!

Anyway.  Time will tell what's meant to be, but today I will be homesick for home.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Happy 40!

I really need to write.  Seems like my head is full and I need to let my thoughts find their way out through my fingers, through the keyboard, in to the computer.
First of all, I turned 40!
Just like that.
It just snuck up on me, without a warning or gentle nudge.
I just woke up on Sunday morning, and there I was, a decade older...

I really can't say I've had any kind of crisis, or stressed about it, but because age IS a topic of discussion, it's hard not to ponder, even a little bit.
I had hopes of being "Fab at 40".  And although my hubby thinks I am (thanks!), I had hoped to feel "more" fabulous.  And it has bothered me a bit that I'm not.  I'm not even sure of what I picture it to be, but I guess in better shape, better looking, better.... just, better.
But then my brain got thinking.  And remembering.
And I felt fabulous, as in "fabulously dumb".
I look back at my lab work that I had done just before Christmas, following a physical.  ALL my levels were perfect.  My Dr told me "You are healthy as a horse!".
My weight is, well, considering I've carried 8 babies to term, within reason.  I have hair on my head and a smile on my face (I'm aiming for laugh wrinkles as I age, rather than the frowny ones).
I eat well and I enjoy food.  I am able to nurse my baby and keep her nourished.
I do not suffer daily pains or aches.  Most mornings I get out of bed without problems (unless you consider "sleep deprived due to nursing baby 3-5 times a night" a problem).


Yes.  I had to shout that out like that.  Because it is often so easy to take this good health for granted.  And I shouldn't.  I should start each morning with a grateful sigh, thanking God he's kept me healthy.  Healthy for myself and my family.  Because that's a huge blessing.

I suffered from depression and severe anxiety some 10-13 years ago.  I wasn't able to go grocery shopping. I'd have anxiety attacks just reading my shopping list.  Even if I went without kids and had all the time in the world to end the task.  I just couldn't.  Thankfully my hubby could.
I stressed easily and would get splitting headaches from it.
I had days when I sat on the couch.  I'd feed the kids, make sure they were safe and fine, but I wasn't happy.  I didn't enjoy many things in life.  When I was around people I was pretty good at keeping up a brave face.  But I wasn't happy.  I was depressed.
I was, however, thinner and younger, and maybe even better looking than now.
But I wasn't happy.

God has been with me and my family through those times, and I know, I really do know, how very blessed I am to have strong mental health these days.
I laugh a lot.  From my heart.  Big, real, belly laughs, that reaches every crow's foot by the corners of my eyes.
I am way more relaxed.  I am more patient.  I judge less.  I love life.  I am older and heavier and well, not so great looking any more.  But I feel fabulous, and that's a fabulous feeling!

Wishing all of us a healthy, happy year.
And if you feel the way I used to feel, please take care of yourself.  There's no shame.  You deserve it, your family deserves it.  Life is short, don't forget to live it.