I need to stop.
Take a break.
Take a deep breath... and REACT!
My eyes fill with tears.
I stop and think. I'm looking back a few months in time.
No... not even. A few weeks actually.
A few weeks ago I was standing at the edge. You look down, but your mind can't comprehend the depth.
You look up, and the depth of the height makes your head spin.
You know that you have to take the step in order for something to happen, and in your heart you don't have a choice, but not knowing if your wings will carry you, not knowing if you might fall, makes you hesitate.
A bit over a year ago I woke up one morning "knowing" that I needed to move back to Canada.
A homesickness took hold of me so strong that it made my gut tingle.
16 more months I pictured in my head.
I knew for several reasons why it could not happen sooner.
16 months sounded so soon and so very far away.
I wanted to make the best of that time, knowing that if we move back, our time here is over.
Our adventure would come to an end.
Of course we can come back to visit, and we'll happily do so.
But living here would be but a memory.
It hasn't been easy making the best out of it.
It has actually been pretty hard.
I suffered a second miscarriage, work was very up and down and well, I was homesick.
But looking back I still feel happy with how it went.
15 months have past.
15 MONTHS HAVE PAST!!! Wow.
It's actually a bit sad, because the finishing line is getting really close and they say the journey is the best part.
The nice thing is that another journey is about to start.
I wish I had time to FEEL, think, react etc, but mostly my mind is on auto-pilot.
I get up early and go to bed late.
Between Hubby and I we are becoming pretty good at this "overseas moving business".
But it's also crazy, stressful and overwhelming.
We bought a little notepad that's divided in to different sections.
We'd forget half the things we need to do if we didn't write things down.
And of course there's a lot that we forget to write down in the first place!!
But... when things are meant to be they are meant to be.
And then God arranges all the practical matters in the most amazing of ways.
There have been several things that have fallen in to place in ways I would have never imagined.
All you can do is stop and stare in awe.
And in the evening when I say the prayers with the kids, and in the morning before I leave my bed, a sigh goes from my heart to God.
I hope he hears my humble cry, my attempt to show thankfulness and gratitude.
It hasn't been easy getting to this point.
We've actually had many bumps and heavy moments.
Maybe that's why it's so easy to believe that the way things are going is the way they are meant to go.
I can feel myself sinking in to God's comforting care.
With tear filled eyes I remember words of comfort from here and from overseas.
I am nervous and a bit scared about moving back.
But it also feels right.
Our house is sold, (not officially on paper yet, but it's more or less a done deal).
We've lined up a house to rent overseas.
There's a possible new job opportunity for my Hubby. (waiting for details)
The moving container is lined up (more or less)
There are boxes all over the house and I have tossed a TON of junk!
And there's still a TON of stuff to do...
We were standing at the edge a few weeks ago.
Now the leap has been taken.
And it feels like we are soaring....