Dear Me

When I first started this blog it was not with the intention to get lots of followers, but rather a place for me to spill out my thoughts on the keyboard.
When we moved here our lives were so busy and full of change, I kind of "got lost" in the mess for a while.
Writing keeps my head clear and I will have small glimpses of my life documented somewhere.
I re-read old blog posts sometimes, and it's really interesting to look back, and I often realize how I have changed or matured thanks to different events.

Today I'm mostly writing to Me.
But it's ok for you to take a peek into my head if you want!
I'm looking forward.  I think I always am.
As long as I can remember I'm a "forward thinker".
It has it's pros and cons.
They say if we get stuck in the past and dwell on what was, we become depressed.
And if we live in the future, we might worry too much and suffer from anxiety.
While when we live in the now, the here, in the moment, we are at peace.
I definitely fall in the anxiety group.
I rarely dwell on what was.  There's NO way I can change what was.
I can however in some ways effect my future.
There are choices my family and I will take that will really make an impact on the history we are about to create.
I try not to stress or worry about it, but rather try to peek over the edge, on my tippy-toes, and try to catch a glimps of tomorrow.
It's so exciting!!  I love surprises, but I am also very curious.
When I was a child and looked at an interesting picture, I'd try to see what was to the left and to the right in the picture.  If I leaned in really close...maybe I could see the things the picture didn't show??
Childish and naive, yes, but also imaginative and curious.

That's how I still am.  Wishing I could see my future.
Eager to experience tomorrow. 
Always waiting for the next thing to happen.
When I've been pregnant I've been very, very impatient.
I just want to meet that baby!!  I want to see who's "in there"!
And of course I usually go over-due...
How ironic.

What I need to work on is to be here.  Now.
To try to enjoy every day for what it is and make the best of it.
My life is truly not cut out of a picture perfect magazine.
I'm too busy preparing for tomorrow to care about taking care of today!!
I just need to get my chores done for today, then tomorrow will come a little faster.
Hmmm... as I write this I realize how absurd this is.  And kind of sadly, how TRUE, this is!!
My life has been so full of changes in the last 3 years, it's borderline ridiculous.
And here I am, waiting to turn it all upside down again.
Thinking "As soon as we are....-THEN I will sit down and enjoy today!"
A restless soul, that's who I am.
I dream about becoming grounded, rooted.
To find a place where I can settle down and stay.  And just "be".
But maybe that place is nowhere to be found if I don't find that place inside me first??
Sounds deep now...but I think I am on to something!!

Well, dear Me.  A busy spring lays ahead.
My head is spinning, and I can almost taste the excitement of all the events I will be writing about.
I'm waiting for tomorrow to come so I can write about how it went!
But I will try to stop along the way.
I will try to enjoy today a bit more.
I sometimes wish I could stop the time and keep things the way they are.
Keep the kids the way they are.
Hold them a bit longer, kiss them more often, feel their hair tickle my face, their little hands in mine.
But they belong to the future, and I will be there with them, walking beside them, watch them grow up and create our history.

Dear Me... Thanks for clearing a few things up!  I know I'm on the right track, but I'll try a bit harder to stop and smell the roses.