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Thursday, August 30, 2012

Moon and Star

The post I'm about to add is the hardest kind to write.
It's also the kind I NEED to write the most.
Like I've said in the past, writing to me is very therapeutical.
It does not make me think that what I write is going to sound professional, or interesting or educational.
It does not mean that I am asking for pity or a reaction.
I write becasue I need to.
Becasue it helps me reflect.
If you enjoy it, and if you learn something, that's nice.
And if it didn't make a difference in your life, well, we are all different.

Right now I need prayers thou.
Our little Star in heaven has now been joined by a little brother or sister.
We decided to call the baby Moon.
We don't even know if there ever was a baby, all I could see on the ultrasound this morning was an empty sac.  So I guess we can call this "pregnancy" Moon.
It doesn't really make a difference.
The outcome is still the same.
The baby we had been excited about to meet in March, is not coming any more.
I was only 10 weeks along, but there's still pain and hurt.

I feel empty.  Sad.  Worried. 
It's hard to understand God's ways.
But it keeps me humble.  And more understanding. 
And hopefully more forgiving and more loving.
It definitely makes me appreaciate and love our kids even more.
When I laid on the couch this afternoon, our little guy asked me
"Mamma, do you want some tea?"
He's not even three yet.
He has no clue of what's going on.
But the kid has a loving heart and a soft spot for his mom.
I said "Yes, I'd like some tea!"

So... here we go again.
More hospital visits.  More bloodwork.
It's not a molar pregnancy like last time, but since I've had one, they take this miscarriage more serious than a "normal" one.  So I'll need some extra attention medically.
My heart will need some extra attention too.
And it's already getting some.
Again I'm reminded of how loved I am...
The instant outpour is so amazing.

The kids are devestated of course.
And I gave them the option of staying home from school tomorrow.
We've been hugging and crying.
We agreed that now Star has a friend.
Now when we look at the dark nigh sky we won't just see the dark.
We'll see stars.  And the moon.
And they'll remind us of what matters in life, Love.
There's never too much love, and the more you give the more you get.
And it keeps on growing.  All the way to the dark night sky.  To Moon and Star...

5 comments:

mamman said...

Teary eyed over here... God be with you and hold you close during this time. love from us to you all.

Sofia L said...

I was watching the moon tonight, amazed by hos bright it was. Yes, Star has now gotten a friend, and we all know they are safe in the arms of Jesus.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, and in my heart forever. <3 <3 <3

MeWoman said...

Thanks guys. I looked at the moon too last night and it was full and silvery and beautiful!

Anonymous said...

Jag vill be för er. <3 kramar. - Sanna M

Sylvie said...

Oh my heart aches for you all! We have to remember that it is all part of God's plan even if we don't understand why. You are all in our prayers. Hang in there!