What's the problem???

Don't we all have bad days at times?  Days when we wonder how our lives turned out the way it did.  Why am I doing this?  Why does he have a better job, a faster car, more money etc? Yes, that's perfectly common and I believe normal.

What I don't get is when young, healthy, able bodied people are complaining about their lives, making it sound like everything is somebody elses fault.
"I hate my job, I get paid crap, nobody understands me, I try to please everybody, but when I turn my back they take advantage of me and leave me in the dust"  Whine whine and more whine.
I think some people need to give their heads a good shake and take a hard look in the mirror.
First of all, if you truly hate your job, why don't you change it???  Can you retrain in something?  Take a course?  Who are you benefitting if your work really suck?  Have you asked your boss if you can make your tasks more interesting or challenging?  How?
Remember, no one will come and thank you for putting up with things you didn't like.
You will not get a medal or great friends along the way.
You'll get bitter, bored, and the people who hang out with you are most likely suffering the same problems.  And you tear each other down, and steal each others energy.

I have a feeling that some people might thrive on complaining.  The job itself is not the true problem.
Of course there are times when we have to hold on to a job in order to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads, and maybe going to this job isn't just thrilling fun, but do you ever stop and concider your options?  Good or bad.

If I didn't have this job, would I be better off unemployed? 
Do you ever take a minute and remember what your grandparents did in the past, during the depression, just to keep their families alive?  Are we becoming spoiled with the opportunities of being able to pick and choose?  Think about your boss that hired you, and you feel no gratitude towards that person...  Is that right?

I'm a strong believer in being thankful for what you have, instead of missing what you don't.
In doing things for yourself, not expecting others to serve you.
Rather serve others.

If you are unhappy at work, and just can't do anything to change it at the moment, how can you change your sparetime to make that time more fulfilling?
Do you know elderly who you can help out?  Run errands, mow the lawn, clean their home?
Do you know families with young children that might appreaciate a helping hand?
If you fill your sparetime with helping others, with a smile on your face and without expecting anything back, maybe your life will become fuller, and your job might even become a bit easier to handle?
At least you know that at the end of the day there might be somebody waiting for you to show up, to help them out.

We all have one life to live, and we choose ourselves how this time is spent.
You can not blame others for how things turned out.
Some people have gone through some really hard times, because of how others have treated them, but at some time we all need to realize that
"I am me now.  My happiness is my own matter.  What's past is past, what is done is done, but now I will surround myself with people who give me good energy, who are positive, and I myself am going to try to be my own best friend."
If you like who you are, and feel that you'd be your own friend, then being alone and being bored isn't so bad, at least you are in good company!!

When you point fingers and say
"I trusted that person, and he or she failed me, I'll never forgive them!",
you become bitter and full of hatered, and the only person that you truly wreck is yourself.
People will turn their backs, because you are stealing their energy.
And if you're not happy with yourself, why would others be?
You need to love yourself in order to be loved, and being able to love others.
This is not cliche', this is truly how it is.

"A bitter person was never thankful, and a thankful person was never bitter"
Good words to live by.
Even if we have days that feel less than good or fun, at least when we carry a thankful heart, we can go to bed feeling content with how life is, good and bad, and if we feel a need to change, we know the ball is in our own court!

Tomorrow will be better, it will...

Ok.  Now I've been thinking again.  I think a lot and analize many things.  One of the things that occupy my mind many times, is human behaviour.  I live in a country where I am free to think, believe and say what I want.  I think all my friends and family do too, as far as I know.  Most of us are probably pretty good att saying many things we shouldn't say, but also, I think many of us have things they would like to say, but won't.  Well.  I do.  I say how I feel about many things quite straight forward and honestly.  This helps me a lot in my parenting, as well as in my marriage.  If the kids have a question on their mind, I usually say exactly how I think or believe.  Sometimes it takes way more time, is quite draining, and sometimes even difficult, than the alternative of just sort of brush it off and say "Whatever, I don't care!"
Same goes for my hubby.  We talk a lot.  About everything.  We've been married for almost 14 years, and I have never said anything bad about him behind his back.  Nothing that I couldn't have said to his face.  Same goes for him about me.  We don't complain about each other to anybody.  Period.
I look at it as a longterm investment.  I want good relationships with our kids and my hubby for the rest of our lives. 
And I hope and pray it will work... Of course I've done many wrong steps as a parent, and as a wife, but again, honesty prevails!  I don't have a problem admitting to the kids that "Yes, I was wrong!"  As soon as you say that, it makes it way harder for the other person to keep throwing stuff at you.

"Yes, I was wrong, I'm sorry I did that."
If you hear that, and the other person says it from the heart... Well???  What more is there to say?
Of course, if there's an ongoing pattern, and someone uses the phrase as a way of getting out of trouble, but as soon as you turn your back, they do the same thing over, something else need to happen.
And that something is CHANGE!!!

This is another one of my strong believes.  (not like Obama's "change". Very different. He's asking the country to change for the people, not the people to change themselves for the country)
Change yourself.
I have never seen a positive change take place if the person themself didn't want it.
You can only change yourself.
You can keep nagging, crying, yelling, threatning etc, but if the person in front of you is not interested in changing, then either 2 things will happen.
1. They'll do what you ask them to do, grudgingly, and they will resent you
or
2. Nothing will happen, and you will resent the person.
Did you ask yourself "How can I change???"
Why did I react the way I did?
When I said "Fine!", but meant "NO!!!"... who's fault is it???
You might say "he or she didn't give me a choice, I didn't want to upset her or him!"
Well, then you CHOSE to act that way, and then you have to be acting as if "Fine" is indeed "Fine!"
Because if you get grumpy, and blame your bad mood on the other person.... HOW does that make sense???

Now you might say
"Well, that's easy for you to say, because that's your personality!"
Wrong.
This is something I am getting better at, but I used to be the biggest "YES" sayer out there.
Nothing wrong with that.  As long as you say Yes and mean it.
When I was little, and my friend asked me "Do you like this shirt?", and I said, "Yes", and they said
"I don't", I'd quickly change my mind to agree that "Yeah, you are right, I don't like it either!"
Back to honesty, right??
You need to have a strong backbone to be honest.
And not care too much what others think of you.
And you can't get offended.
All those things are products of how you react to others behaviour.
Getting offended is an action that we CHOOSE to feel.
You chose to take offense that he or she didn't like your food.
Or your car, or whatever.
How does that help you???
Do you rather have the person lie? 
"Oh yeah, Lovely dinner"  And you keep making it.... and the other person can't stand carrot soup!
And then the other person tells their friends
"Man, I wish I didn't have to eat that carrot soup, but I don't have the heart to say I don't like it, I don't want to offend her or him!"
Result???  Neither is happy.

It's important to tell people how you feel about different situations.  Or you won't give them the option to change in order to make you happier.  But.  If you tell someone  "I hate when you....you need to change!"  Then you are not giving them your point of view, you are just making them feel bad.
If you say "When this or that happens, I always end up feeling bad, sad, mad..., I just want you to know that."  Then it's up to the other one to choose to respond to your feelings.  If they don't clue in?  Well, then maybe you have to learn to tackle the situations that upset you differently.  Again, it's how YOU choose to react.  You can't get upset that someone doesn't want to change.  Typically thou, when you are married and you really love each other, both parties will want to try whatever it takes to make the other person as happy as possible.  But remember that nobody is a mind reader, and that guessing games are out of question.  And as soon as you hang out your dirty laundry for everyone to see... well.  That's just not cool.  A good rule of thumb?  Don't say things about anybody, that you couldn't say if they were present.

Do I always live like this???  Unfortunately not.  But I do think about it.  And I try.  And I am very fortunate to be married to a very patient, forgiving guy.  Who listens to my yakking.  And I try to listen to him.  Last nite we had a disagreement, nothing major, but just me being my impatient self, when one of our daughters came carrying a sign reading "Stop fighting" on one side and "say sorry" on the other....
Like I always say, kids are the best teachers!!
Yes.  We did say sorry... or we can't sleep. 
And that same daughter said when she told me goodnite
"Tomorrow will be better.  It will."  She was right...